The haircut disaster that shook my self-esteem
When I was young, I struggled with low self-esteem and a lack of inner confidence.
I felt shy, insecure and self-conscious. I never thought I was good enough and desperately wanted to be accepted and liked. But fitting in never came naturally – friendships often felt like a mystery, and I frequently felt like an outsider.
Then, when I was 14, came the haircut disaster.
The hairdresser went rogue and chopped far too much off. I remember staring at myself in the mirror, horrified, convinced I looked like a boy. I was so upset and hid in my mum’s bedroom, desperately trying to fix my hair in her full-length mirror by the door.
And of course, that was the very moment my brother tried to barge in, ignoring my protests. I shoved back against the door, he pushed harder, I pushed back… and he ended up breaking his arm – just before he was due to leave on a school trip. 😬
The whole focus went onto him. He got sympathy, I got in trouble. And my pain went unnoticed.
Looking back now, of course, I know that none of that was really about the haircut. The photo of me at 14 – unbelievably young-looking, painfully shy, and sporting the “trauma hairdo” – says it all. The haircut was just the trigger. What lay underneath was years of insecurity, self-doubt and the belief that I wasn’t enough.
And no haircut – good or bad – was ever going to change that.
What I really needed to build my confidence
What I truly needed back then had nothing to do with hair. I needed to learn how to build real confidence and self-esteem from the inside out:
✨ To understand that the harsh thoughts in my head weren’t the truth
✨ To feel safe being my authentic self, instead of wearing masks to please others
✨ To show kindness and compassion to my insecure younger self
✨ To realise that belonging doesn’t come from fitting in – it comes from self-acceptance
✨ To know that true confidence has nothing to do with appearance
Those lessons took me years to uncover. Today, I can laugh at the memory of my haircut disasters (especially the even worse ones I inflicted on myself later on!). But I also feel compassion for the younger me who believed her worth depended on what she saw in the mirror.
Developing lasting inner confidence
Confidence doesn’t come from perfect hair, model proportions, flawless skin, the shapeliest nose, the plumpest lips, or the latest fashion.
Sure, those things can give a boost and help you feel better for a while. But it’s a surface-level confidence. It fades the minute someone criticises you – or your own inner critic kicks off, trends change, or you start comparing yourself to someone else.
Real, lasting confidence can’t be built on things that are temporary or outside of your control – it comes from how you feel about yourself on the inside.
It comes from self-acceptance, self-love, and living authentically.
When you start living from that place, everything changes:
🌿 You stop sabotaging yourself and start moving forward with clarity and courage.
🌿 You no longer waste energy trying to be who others want you to be.
🌿 You feel lighter, freer, and more aligned with your true self.
🌿 You discover that real belonging comes when you show up as you.
The fringe disaster, the dodgy style, the ugly braces on your teeth, the awkward teenage years… they all pass. But the inner critic? That voice can linger for decades if you don’t learn how to work with it. Real self-worth doesn’t just arrive with age – it grows when you begin to accept and love yourself as you are.
How breathwork helps quieten the inner critic
For me, one of the most powerful ways to do that has been through breathwork. It softens the inner critic, helps release the old stories held in the body, and reconnects you with the calm, authentic self that was always there.
When you give yourself the space to breathe deeply and consciously, you begin to notice how much of your self-doubt is simply tension, stress, and outdated conditioning stored in your body. Each breath creates space – space to feel, to process, and to let go of the stories that created your limited sense of self, and judgements that never really belonged to you in the first place.
Over time, that practice builds a different kind of confidence. Not the shaky kind that depends on good hair days, flattering outfits, or the right approval from others – but a grounded, lasting confidence that comes from knowing and accepting yourself fully.
True confidence doesn’t come from changing how you look.
It comes from changing how you feel about yourself.
Ready to build real confidence from the inside out?
Breathwork is a powerful tool to release self-doubt, calm the inner critic, and reconnect with your authentic self – so you can feel more grounded, confident, and at ease in who you truly are.
🔹 Book a free discovery call here
🔹 Or download my free Breathwork Toolkit to start now
Because the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
If this article resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts – drop a comment below and share it with someone who might need a reminder that confidence isn’t found in the mirror, but within.
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